Just a Wee Blether…

About assaulting the Arizona cacti

It’s the kind of advert that would make you stop in your track if you saw it on eBay. For Sale. One Giant Saguaro Cactus Plant. Genuine Arizona Desert. Freshly Cut. Mint Condition.

This being Arizona, America’s unofficial ‘Cactus State’, the appearance of such an ad is at least possible. There are, after all, tens of thousands of very impressive cactus plants dotted all over the desert countryside, and in the back yards of suburban neighbourhoods.

Arizona residents don’t exactly have them lying around their garages. But there is a section of the population who steal and ‘assault’ cactus plants – sometimes in a vain bid to make money, but usually just for the hell of it.

They take their cacti seriously over here. There is an urban legend that someone who harms a cactus in Arizona can be jailed for 25 years. That’s not the case, but causing harm to a cactus – specifically the highly protected Saguaro cactus – is a class 4 felony.

There are different grades of class 4 felony, but removing or destroying a native cactus is categorized along with crimes such as negligent homicide, kidnapping, arson, and credit card forgery. It is punishable by between one year and three years, nine months in prison, and a fine of up to $1,000.

Cactus plugging is a form of vandalism in the Arizona desert. Gun-toting guys (always guys and usually tanked-up) head into the wilds and fire multiple shots at Saguaro plants to try and topple them. The practice falls under the category of causing cruelty or harm to a protected species.

In 1982 a student called David Grundman went cactus plugging with a mate just outside Phoenix. After firing at the cactus, he tried to knock it over. An arm of the plant weighing around 500lbs fell on him, crushing him to death. Just for good measure, the trunk of the cactus then landed on top of him.

That’s the trouble with cacti, they are big and very heavy. A Saguaro will live for around 175 years. They grow to 75ft and one of the giant arms takes between 75 and 100 years to grow. Driving along a country road with hundreds of these specimens on either side is quite a sight.

I made up that first paragraph about eBay. It was fake news as they say here. But stealing cacti is a major problem in Arizona and adverts for stolen plants have been known to pop up on craigslist and other sites. They can fetch several hundred dollars, and many people are happy to buy them on the black market for planting in their property.

That answers the question ‘Why do people steal them?’ But I don’t get the vandalism bit. Why go into the desert and chop off a 100-year old arm of a giant cactus? Or fire a ton of bullets at it in the hope of mortally wounding it?

I’ve only had one close encounter with a cactus. A few years ago, my leg brushed against a species called a jumping cholla cactus. Within a split second it had used its defence mechanism to fire about a dozen spikes through my jeans, into my leg, right through to the bone. It was uncomfortably sore for at least six weeks afterwards.

Despite the pain, I didn’t want to go back and kill it, or chop off one of its arms. In fact, I can’t imagine why anybody would. But they do. Cactus theft might seem minor, but the desert is a delicate place and, like I say, Arizonans are very proud of their cacti and serious about protecting them.

 

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