About cutlery conundrums in the US

Another American public holiday has come and gone. Last Monday was Memorial Day. It honours members of the armed forces who have died in battle. It also means a day off work, and another American-style family gathering – with food, lots of food.

As most people know, Americans don’t need an excuse to eat, it’s a very big part of the culture. Food is taken very seriously – and there is always plenty of it. And I mean plenty. But it’s not just what you eat in the USA, it’s how you eat, as I discovered very early on.

I well remember my first visit to my soon-to-be American in-laws in Pittsburgh 15 years ago. There was a decent-sized gathering and we all sat down to a delicious home-cooked meal. I started eating, holding the knife in my right hand and the fork in my left – the way we are taught to do it back in Scotland, after all.

After about five minutes, I became aware that most other people at the table had stopped eating. I looked up and there were at least six pairs of eyes – wide eyes – staring at me.

‘What are you doing?”, someone asked.

Even at the age of 46, I was still a little nervous. This was the first time I’d met the ‘family’.

“Well, I’m eating”, I replied.

A couple of younger members of the new family tried unsuccessfully to stifle laughter. What was the problem here, what the hell was wrong with the way I was eating?

It didn’t take too long to work it out. As I looked round the table, it was obvious that no-one else was holding a knife and fork. Every other diner had laid the knife to one side, and was using a right-handed fork method to get food from plate to mouth.

I was the only one following what I’d always been led to believe was table etiquette – yet I was the odd one out.

Let’s be honest, there’s a certain stupidity involved in piling mince and tattles, or chili on to the back of a fork only to see it slip through the tines. And counting how many balanced peas make it to the mouth can be hilarious, especially if a couple of glasses of dinner wine have been taken.

But using a knife and fork to eat is very much the done thing for us Brits. I remember spending what seemed like long fruitless hours trying to teach my son proper table manners. Members of the US military are routinely taught ‘European eating’ before being posted there.

Let’s say, for argument’s sake, the meal consists of steak, potatoes and veg. In Scotland, we would spear the meat with the fork, cut it with the knife, then slide a portion of potatoes and veg on to the back of the fork. How much of it falls off is a matter of luck.

Over here, most diners cut the steak into bite-sized chunks. With the fork in their right hands, they take a piece of meat and put it in their mouths. Then they collect veg and potatoes on the ‘hollow’ side of the fork, and eat it.

It is a simple and more efficient eating method than the ‘proper’ way. And at many meals, knives are 100% redundant.

To traditionalists and purists, it lacks elegance and class. For a start, is chopping up a chef’s beautifully-prepared work into grotesque little pieces not a form of culinary sacrilege? And what do you plan to do with that spare left hand? Hide it under the table? Isn’t it good etiquette to show your hands while eating?

I have no idea why people in the USA do it differently – or if it really matters. But to stop the funny looks, I now use the American method. It goes against everything I was taught growing up, but using a fork and no knife does seem to make a lot of sense.

The downside is that inviting me to a posh dinner party risks more potential embarrassment than usual.